My Shillington Journey: Part Three

Firstly, I'd like to say thank you for returning to Part Three. I am so grateful for the interest and feedback about my blog :)

Picking up from where I left off...

So things were going pretty well with college. I was feeling so much better about myself and my capabilities of graduating. I was in such a good headspace & started thinking
'Hell yes! My portfolio is going to be so good!'.

So it was the week before we were about to start planning our portfolio. I remember Belen & Shanti telling us that this last 2 week period was going to be the most stressful times of our lives. And let me tell you, they weren't wrong. But surprisingly, I was positive that I was going to be able to manage my impending workload. That was until my life was turned upside down...

It was Friday afternoon (11th of November - yep, I still remember the exact date) & my fiancé told me that he was going out for drinks with a bunch of work friends. I wasn't too worried as this happened all the time (His workplace has a really big drinking/partying culture). So I went home after college so I could work on my last brief. Periodically through the night, I was texting him asking when he would be home because I was getting stuck and I wanted to bounce some ideas off him. He kept telling me that he wasn't sure. But that he could help me on the weekend. At one stage he called me drunk & said his phone was about to die, but he said he loved me & that he would be home late. Again, this happened all the time, so I wasn't too worried. Although, he didn't say 'I love you' very much so that was a bit odd. So I worked as much as I could & I went to bed.

I remember waking up at 2am & he wasn't home. I freaked out & tried calling him. His phone had died and then I started having really bad thoughts;

- Had he been mugged & someone stole his phone?
- Was something wrong & he was in a hospital somewhere?
- Was he okay & crashed at a workmates house?

I was getting really worried, but there was nothing I could do. He could be anywhere. So I went back to sleep & tried to stay positive that he was okay. I woke up again at 7am and tried to call him - this time his phone rang, but he didn't answer. So I messaged him - he didn't reply. About an hour later he calls me back and sounded very hungover. I asked him where he was & he told me that he was sitting in a park... I was so confused. But I was so glad he was okay, but something felt off. So I told him to get an Uber home so he could have a shower and sleep off his hangover.

When he got home he was really quiet but I asked him what had happened the night before. I could tell that he wasn't in a talkative mood, but I kept pressing him. That's when he told me that he cheated on me with a girl from his work - and he also confessed that it wasn't the first time this had happened. This was in fact the third time - he had started cheating on me the weekend before I started college. He told me that he wanted to experiment with other people which meant he didn't want to stay with me. At that moment, I felt my heart break and I felt like I was going to be sick.

Needless to say, that weekend I was a mess. I couldn't eat or sleep - I kept feeling a strong ache in my chest/stomach. To say I was experiencing a roller coaster of emotions is an understatement. I was about to start the most stressful part of my studies & now this had been thrown onto my plate. I had so many things going through my head;

- Where am I going to live? Do I move back in with my parents?
- What happens to all of OUR stuff we had accumulated over our 9 year relationship?
- How am I going to get money when I am studying full-time?
- What happens next?

With all of those things running through my mind, I still had to make college my priority. I had to do this for myself. But I knew the next few weeks were not going to be easy...

Please continue to stay tuned, the final chapter of my journey is on it's way :)

Until next time,
Cora
x